I’ve been in Louisville, KY for ten years now. TEN stinking years! That’s a decade of my life, a prime decade mind you, Humans aren’t allocated many of those on this Earth. And I’ve
wasted spent those years trying hard to build a life here. Let’s take a look at how that’s gone for me:
If I were a plant, I have been withering and dying here alone in a cold dry grey cup under a buzzing fluorescent bulb. I need to be replanted into my original terrarium where there’s fresh soil with lots of Sun and Atlantic water and surrounded by other lush, dewy thriving florae. And I have a sprout to take with me.
When you have a decade’s worth of data to inspect and it reveals a consistently downward trajectory, then action must be taken to correct that trend. That involves fixing influential factors, one by one.
For me, the most dramatic changes would come from just a few simple corrections. Environment, nourishment, in terms of cash flow, happiness, friends and support, and the room and ability to grow. There aren’t a lot of superfluous changes that need to be made. So that makes the transition more compact and less complex in many real terms.
It needs to be done masterfully, which at this point in my life, should be no trouble, given my experience, skills, and focus. I have a lot of assets and conditions working for me, as well, in terms of a network, familiarity with the process, a strong resume, good health, and lots of friends rooting and cheering me on.
What I have working against me are just a few, but formidable items. Financially I’m not highly liquid thanks to a painful divorce. (Lawyers act as if on your side. And they will be on your side, as long as you have money to give them. They’ll suck you dry without blinking, with no remorse, and wave goodbye from their Porsche you just paid for.) I have a few bills I need to settle in Louisville, which must be balanced with the costs of resettlement elsewhere. Moving is relatively expensive, although I will be leaving with far fewer concerns than I arrived with.
I also want to bring my daughter with me, and her mother lives in Louisville. Because of her job, which is the only reason she and I moved as a married couple to a place I had never even been before. I have no ties, interest, or associations here at all. After ten years, I still don’t despite trying very hard to tap a root. That says a lot.
I share joint custody of our daughter. Our daughter is 100+ days into Kindergarten at a public school. I prefer private schools, her mother prefers public. We both are products of our preference. And it shows, perhaps to the degree that it eventually was a component in her decision to part ways with me.
My dear ex-wife is a tenured college teacher, so she lives a life that includes a high salary with copious amounts of free time, vacation time, holidays, the autonomy to never have to step foot on her campus or answer to anyone, little responsibility, and so on. It was her dream job, as that type of arrangement suits her personality and was her main goal in life. And that’s what she and I worked on getting her for 7 years before she ghosted days after signing her tenure paperwork. And our entire family of four, at the time, going out for a special dinner to celebrate what, unbeknownst to me, was a farewell dinner.
Since then, I have been fighting an army of dragons while attempting to get a footing on ice and given a toothpick as my sword. I’m a fighter for sure, but I’m also a rational man with a high ability to reason and strategize. And knowing when it’s time to try a different tactic is imperative unless you want to die prematurely, exhausted, and in vain.
I’m writing this here because of several reasons. Accountability, a milepost to refer to later, and to let others know what and why I’m doing what I am. Otherwise, there would and will always be conjecture and assumptions, and false theories. I live my life above-board and for all to see and inspect my wills and ways so that if there’s something that seems amiss, I can correct it if necessary. It’s much easier, efficient, and wiser to allow the world to have their input and insight offered beforehand rather than criticize my own decisions and just figure things out on my own. I’m not that smart and other ideas and perspectives often yield some great results.
As an aside, a good lesson I’m learning raising my daughter is to not to be a know-it-all. I might know a lot of things, but I don’t know everything by a million miles. And I’ve realized that my daughter is smart and alert. I trust her to help me with a lot of things that I bet many parents wouldn’t think to get their children involved with, like finding lost items, thinking of creative ways to solve problems, and even how to approach situations. Her sanitary mind doesn’t have 50+ years of trash and detria in it like mine does to sort through. It’s a fresh and clean perspective, which is rare and valuable. It’s a pure delight to see her solve something I couldn’t or offer insight into something I never thought of. It happens. You just have to ask. And it certainly gives her a thrill and makes her feel valued and an important part of my life and the world, which she is. I respect her. I don’t think a lot of parents show their children enough respect, which gives them complexes growing up and personality issues into adulthood that prevents them from excelling as they could. Go to a Wal-Mart sometime if you want evidence. You’ll see parents jerking their kids around by their arms, fussing and yelling at them like little idiots, which is what they’re teaching them to act like. Just like their parents did, I’ll bet.
I began this post 6 weeks ago and am just now wrapping it up. That’s how I’ve begun my writing cycle: Keep drafts around to edit and improve upon or delete or just sit for another day. I have as many drafts sitting around in my database as I do published articles.
It’s not due to procrastination. It’s due to wanting to have a sense of completion before hitting “publish.” And with writing, solving problems, and creating, sometimes that requires walking away for a while, maybe going for a walk or taking a shower to get the blood flowing again, and come back and finish. That’s what works for me, I’ve found. And if my articles, essays, or ramblings(whatever you want to call them) don’t seem to meet some criteria, I just either junk them or try to salvage them somehow. They do represent a lot of time and typing, if nothing else.
That criteria are if they still hold water, aren’t too personal for other people(I mention my daughter and ex-wife here occasionally, plus a few other people for some reason or another at times) and I don’t want to disparage them, God forbid, despite them being truly awful people and living lives of self-disparagement. You can’t NOT talk about them without disparaging them, in other words.
And of course, I’m sensitive to what I post online about my daughter. There are too many creeps online to not be. I’m ultra-protective of her. Some might say that’s a bad thing, but I can’t see how. The world is a dangerous ugly place if you aren’t careful, and I know from experience and wisdom where to spend time and where not to.
Getting way off course here. To veer back, I’m moving back to South Carolina! Soon! As in a few weeks!
And I’m happy to report that the job hunt is heating up and I believe I’ll have an offer coming in soon. I have 6 companies looking at me seriously, and they are all stellar organizations, minus one, which I plan to cut free tomorrow. It’s a nice situation to be in, and humbling, to have several firms all interested in what I have to offer. I’m ready to get the ball moving though. Plus I’m nervous that I’m going to receive several offers simultaneously. Selfishly, that’s a good spot to be in because I could have them compete with one another. But I’m not selfish and more worried about offending people and it becoming more awkward than anything. Not that I can’t handle awkward situations, but the goal is to not allow them to arise in the first place, especially on my account. So I’m a little nervous about how this is going to pan out. I pulled out all the stops in finding a job, and it worked well. I have some great friends and can’t wait to see them again in S.C. And introduce them to Cecelia. I’m finding myself naturally focusing on the jobs I think I want the most, which is interesting how they seem to self-select organically over time.