Since I’m around my daughter 50%, or less, of her life these days, there are things which I’ll always feel are important to have her learn, with or without my assistance. The opportunities for these lessons aren’t always evident, and usually, are quick moments when a parenting trigger is flipped and the chance has to be taken immediately or else it loses context and meaning.
These events happen when my daughter is with me or with other people of course. They revolve around her life and are meant to provide guidance as to how to make strategic and important decisions through her life and shape the path she follows, hopefully, more towards personal fulfillment, success, and happiness, and not what lies along so many treacherous but tempting offshoots along that path. The details and shiny things present themselves endlessly through life, and as a parent, I feel it’s part of my job to teach her how to decide hot to approach, engage, or walk away from such distractions or opportunities, and how to distinguish between the two at the very least.
As I embark down this trail with her by my side, apart from her mother and others that inject themselves into her life along the way, I have to be careful and conscious of how they are presented on many levels. But at the core, my will is to have something she can always use to learn from and help her navigate herself through life, which becomes more intrepid with every tick of the clock, I’ve found.
I’ve approached her mother with concerning situations Cecelia has mentioned to me out of the blue, which was not only tossed to the wayside when retold as folly, but taken steps further and turned into serious accusations, again, against me about creating imaginary situations involving people I don’t even know and planting harmful and strange violent scenarios into our daughter’s head for reasons I can’t even fathom and don’t even want to try to imagine. It renders me as a malicious sociopath, which if were the case, I don’t believe I’d be free to walk the streets, much less have joint custody of our daughter. So the challenges I have before me to help Cecelia hopefully are apparent and real to anyone who ever reads this. It’s a situation akin to having someone drive straight into your car, and then call foul when the situation realistically and by necessity, evaluates their driving and the incidental consequences. You want to help those that are the most exposed by the accident, but the other driver is more concerned about getting out of the situation as best as they see themselves entitled to, no matter what steps must be taken.
Since I take the time to craft deliberate and thoughtful approaches to help Cecelia, and then have them tossed into the trash, that’s not the result I aim for. So I’ve decided to write down my advice to her and maintain them here and in digital storage for her or anyone to use as they see fit for as long as I can make that happen. It’s not for my benefit, inasmuch as seeing my daughter grow up to be healthy and happy is my benefit, and not to harm anyone, since I have no enemies of my own I’ve made. Others may see me as theirs, but that’s the situation they’ve created in their own world and something I can’t or don’t want to be involved in. People’s perceptions are their own. I write things down here for the world to read and see because I try to live my life as an open book for others to judge. I have nothing to hide and all I want to be remembered for, or at least one thing is to have been a helpful person, especially as it relates to my daughter and raising her. I’m open to any ideas and suggestions that are available that might be beneficial at any time, which I have stated here, there and everywhere.
So with that preface, I’m going to begin assembling some life lessons for her here that can be utilized and not hidden and thrown away never to be considered or discussed as they normally would between two parents about their child. We’re divorced, and our daughter’s wife left me with no reason given when our daughter was 2 and her daughter by her first husband was 14. I helped raise her from age 4 with great acclaim and pride, until the day I was left alone and our marriage was to be severed a year later, and the family broken apart forever more. I’m not from such a family, as is my now ex-wife, so I’m learning to cope with as best as I can. I’l less worried about myself now than I am about how our daughter grows up in this awkward unnatural arrangement that I find devastating.
These are issues and lessons I wanted to teach our daughter as a family, together. But that is now impossible, so I’m doing the next best step, which is to assemble them for reference, and teach her myself as long as I remain alive. I’m 12 years older than my ex-wife so likely she will outlive me. So it’s important to me to have these matters taken care while I can. And have them for our daughter’s use when she feels the desire, interest or as way to see how I love her and provide some lessons that I’ve learned throughout my post-mid-centenial life now when she’s older(she just turned six). Tomorrow is never promised, so while I don’t want this to be a frantic endeavor to beat the xx’s knock at my door, I do want to thoughtfully lay them out for her as prompty as the come to me.
I’ve had to live my life as s eries of trial-and error teachings, as fate and external forces would have it. I have a lot of great menories and wonderful things. to show for that method, and a lot of battle scars and receipts. What I want to give my little girls is the wisdom, assets and dividends I’ve gained during my life so she doesn’t have to pay for them the way I did. It gives her a big advantage, and one that I know for sure to the bottom of my heart she isn’t going to get from her mother or anyone else she currently knows. In fact, most of this world and certain people in her life work deliberately to shield her from these lessons because they shine light onto their own flaws and failures and character issues and undoings through their own lives. I’m imperect by any measure, but I recognize that fact and strive to be better, which is something these lessons are meant to help anyone with. Anyone can optimize some are of their life, surely, and especially a young child when she may have the whole road nd world open before her. These are guidelines to consider when approaching forks in the road through life. Our decisions determine who we become and what pleasures and pains we encounter and find good versus becoming entrapped in a bad part of town.
Just jotting al this down I’ve realized has grown into a sizeable piece of work and represents a considerable bit of time to wirte, no less read. I may put it all into a series of “podcats” or audio book for easier consumption and smoother digestion. Technology’s a great thing which I love and embrace. Which is another lesson there. Use the tools at hand to make things easier for your self, but don’t overcomplicate the situation by using poor or beta technology or something that begins leading into greater timesinks and frustration. It should help, not hinder, so always be evaluating whether that’s the case or not and know when to cut the rope and sometimes even sink costs, unfortunately. It’ll happen at some point. But it’ll average out over time if done skillfully and diligently.
They are lessons I’ve learned through my near half-century life, and should be regarded as something to think about, act upon, discuss, wisdom to heed, or even dismissed, but at least not without the same diligence I’m using to present them. They are lessons I’ve learned by trial and fire, as I was raised, and certainly aren’t a one-size-fits-all toolbox of remedies. But if I can provide an ounce of prevention to avoid a pound of cure, then it’s working.