Since I’m around my daughter 50%, or less, of her life these days, there are things which I’ll always feel are important to have her learn, with or without my assistance. {Note: As of May, 2021, Cecelia’s mother arranged things so I only see her 1 hour per week, supervised, at my cost. If I’m lucky. I don’t get to see her at all this week, for example. So these lessons are even more serious for her to learn unassisted.
The opportunities for these lessons aren’t always evident, and usually, are quick moments when a parenting trigger is flipped and the chance has to be taken immediately or else it loses context and meaning.
These events happen when my daughter is with me or with other people of course. She often stays with a neighbr for example, instead of family. They revolve around her life and are meant to provide guidance as to how to make strategic and important decisions through her life and shape the path she follows, hopefully, more towards personal fulfillment, success, and happiness, and not what lies along so many treacherous but tempting offshoots along that path. The details and shiny things present themselves endlessly through life, and as a parent, I feel it’s part of my job to teach her how to decide hot to approach, engage, or walk away from such distractions or opportunities, and how to distinguish between the two at the very least.
As I embark down this trail with her by my side, apart from her mother and others that violently, solely, poorly and unfairly want to control her life along the way, I have to be careful and conscious of how they are presented, lest the awful things her mother does beomce “disparagement” when uttered out loud. And if she’s sensitive to anything, it’s herself over others and manipulating their perception of her. She’s some sort of marketing professor so she knows at least a few academic (read: ineffective and thoeretical/imaginary) methods she found on YouTube. But at the core, my will is to have something she can always use to learn from and help her navigate herself through life, which becomes more intrepid with every tick of the clock, I’ve found.
I’ve approached her mother with concerning situations Cecelia has mentioned to me out of the blue of course. That’s happeneing more and more as she gets older. She’s 6 now. Her mother tosses them in the garbage when retold as pure folly, if not “lies,” as if. Both e kettle and pot tender their resignation over that.
But the ex-wife takes steps further and turns my observations into serious accusations against me about creating imaginary situations, involving people I don’t even know and planting harmful and strange violent scenarios into our daughter’s head for reasons I can’t even fathom and don’t even want to try to imagine. She has rendered me a malicious sociopath to anyone she can, including her family an d our daughter. If that were the case, I don’t believe I’d be free to walk the streets, much less have joint custody of our daughter. The fact her mother is custodian, which was unfairly decided automatically because she’s female. Even though I raised her other daughter and ours and whose dream is to be with her 24/7/365+ .
So the challenges I have before me to help Cecelia are hopefully apparent and real to anyone who’s reading this. It’s a situation akin to having someone drive straight into your parked car, and then call foul on you when the situation realistically and by necessity, evaluates their driving and the incidental consequences. You want to help those that are the most exposed by the accident, but the other driver is more concerned about getting out of the situation as best as they can, no matter what steps must be taken or lies told or people hurt for a lifetime.
I take the time to craft deliberate and thoughtful approaches to help Cecelia, and don’t want them then tossed into the trash. This effort is time-consuming, at the very least. But it’s worth it to me if she only learns a little here. It’s still more than she’s getting anywhere else and still will be helpful and lead to a happier life. Her mother’s saking the cards against her heavily as I write this, and has been for too long.
So I’ve decided to write down my advice to her and maintain them here and in digital storage for her or anyone to use as they see fit for as long as I can make that happen. It’s not for my benefit, inasmuch as seeing my daughter grow up to be healthy and happy is my benefit, and not to harm anyone, since I have no enemies of my own I’ve made. Others may see me as theirs, but that’s the situation they’ve created in their own world and something I can’t or don’t want to be involved in. People’s perceptions are their own. I write things down here for the world to read and see because I try to live my life as an open book for others to judge. I have nothing to hide and all I want to be remembered for, or at least one thing is to have been a helpful person, especially as it relates to my daughter and raising her. I’m open to any ideas and suggestions that are available that might be beneficial at any time, which I have stated here, there and everywhere.
So with that preface, I’m going to begin assembling some life lessons for her here that can be utilized and not hidden and thrown away never to be considered or discussed as they normally would between two parents about their child. We’re divorced, and our daughter’s mom left me with no reason given. Our daughter was 2 and her daughter by her first husband was 14. I helped raise her from age 4 with great acclaim and pride form everyone, until the day I was left alone and our marriage was to be severed a year later, and the family broken apart forever more. I’m not from such a family, as is my now ex-wife totally is (she had 10 divorces in her immediate family the 7 years we were married – it’s like dating in her family and nothing serious or spiritual at all despite being a Christian institution in our case, supposedly), so I’m learning to cope with as best as I can. I’l less worried about myself now than I am about how our daughter grows up in this awkward unnatural arrangement that I find devastating, in a state and city that are awful, in a school that is beneath her, with no one helping her at home to learn or even give her any attention anymore. It breaks my heart as well as makes me angry, honestly. It should any parent who loves their child. But, as mentioned, I can’t tell Cecelia or anyone that because it makes her mother feel bad. And as we know, for weak people without coping skills…feelings are all that matter.
These are issues and lessons I wanted to teach our daughter as a family, together, as a whole unit, and had prepared to do even before Cecelia was born. But that is now impossible, so I’m doing the next best step, which is to assemble them for reference, and teach her myself as long as I remain alive. I’m 12 years older than my ex-wife so likely she will outlive me. So it’s important to me to have these matters taken care while I can. And have them for our daughter’s use when she feels the desire, interest or as way to see how I love her and provide some lessons that I’ve learned throughout my post-mid-centennial life now when she’s older (she turned 6 8 months ago. I haven’t been allowed to see her on ther birthday snce she was 1, thanks to her mother. Won’t let me call her, send her a present on her 5th and 6th bdays. Totally missed them, 100% thanks to mom. Is that evil? Many people say so, but I can’t because it of course is disparaging to point out when someone’s selfishly evil in every way.) Tomorrow is never promised, so while I don’t want this to be a frantic endeavor to beat death’s knock at my door, I do want to thoughtfully lay them out for her as promptly as they come to me.
I’ve had to live my life as series of trial-and error teachings, as fate and external forces would have it. I have a lot of great memories and wonderful things to show for that method, and a lot of battle scars and receipts. What I want to give my little girl is the wisdom, assets and dividends I’ve gained during my life so she doesn’t have to pay for them the way I did. It gives her a big advantage, at least over what I had, and one that I know for sure to the bottom of my heart she isn’t going to get from her mother or anyone else she currently knows.
In fact, most of this world and certain people in her life work deliberately to shield her from these lessons because they shine light onto their own many flaws, life failures, character issues and undoings through their own lives.
I’m imperect by any measure, but I recognize that fact and strive to be better, which is something these lessons are meant to help anyone with. Anyone can optimize some are of their life, surely, and especially a young child when she may have the whole road nd world open before her. These are guidelines to consider when approaching forks in the road through life. Our decisions determine who we become and what pleasures and pains we encounter and find good versus becoming entrapped in a bad part of town.
Just jotting all this down, I’ve realized, has it growing into a sizeable piece of work and represents a considerable bit of time to write, no less read. I may put it all into a series of “podcats” or audio book for easier consumption and smoother digestion. Technology’s a great thing which I love and embrace. Which is another lesson there. Use the tools at hand to make things easier for yourself, but don’t overcomplicate the situation by using poor or beta technology or something that begins leading into greater timesinks and frustration. It should help, not hinder, so always be evaluating whether that’s the case or not and know when to cut the rope and sometimes even sink costs, unfortunately. It’ll happen at some point. But it’ll average out over time if done skillfully and diligently.
They are lessons I’ve learned through my over half-century life, and should be regarded as something to think about, act upon, discuss, wisdom to heed, or even dismissed, but at least not without the same diligence I’m using to present them. They are lessons I’ve learned by trial and fire, as I was raised, and certainly aren’t a one-size-fits-all toolbox of remedies. But if I can provide an ounce of prevention to avoid a pound of cure, then it’s working.
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