There’s been a growing phenomenon in this country, where people who have no ability to reason decide to play the victim in life. But it’s always the EXACT same thing they do to victimize others. Projecting(big time), deflection, whatever you want to call it, would all be correct. Avoidance of responsibility is the goal, while owning and improving personal shortcomings…not on their radar.
Criminals and others who have shame to hide utilize this lame tactic, copiously and masterfully. Narcissists, especially, and sociopaths.
Calling others “toxic” for example. There’s a long list of such rhetoric involved. Gas lighting is another popular one. Buzzwords and a lexicon of assigning blame, diverting it from themself. But they don’t stop there. Oh, no!
I’ve been warning my daughter about sociopathic narcissism. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, to be precise. Her mom was diagnosed by a psychiatrist(not a psychologist or “therapist” An MD.) as a narcissist. She told me that before we were married, which should have been it for me. But I didn’t know the true definition, like most people, I find. She then lied that she had never been to or seen a shrink, while under oath in court. Don’t even ask what she was doing seeing a psychiatrist at the U of A in the first place. That itself is an epic story that I’m sure I’ve written about before here.
I spilled the beans around 2018, and she held me in contempt and made me take the post down, which the lawyer she pays to keep things as she likes them, called “a manifesto.” Holy crap where do these people slither out from? I had photos of me and my stepdaughter at the father-daughter dance I took her to, and she made a stink about that and made me delete them. Why?
Narcissism.
So, suddenly, I recently discovered a post her mom put on TikTok, which she allows our 9-year-old to spend all her time on, which I find revolting and inappropriate. Despite my love of being able to at least see her. That’s a post for another day.
The post from Mom? A meme/video about narcissists. But not how to spot one, because that would be self-indicting, although quite valuable for our daughter. It would have pulled back the curtain on what’s going on with mom and why she’s not allowed to see or speak to anyone in her paternal family, or anyone else on Earth, she doesn’t want to spill the beans about her. Which is most people, unfortunately, for our daughter. I get messages from mothers all the time, worried about our little girl. For YEARS now.
But see what she’s doing? Projecting. Whenever someone runs around accusing everyone else of something, take a step back and look at the situation. Often, you’ll find the one doing the finger pointing is doing it to draw attention away from themself. And the things they know well enough and have experience in are what they accuse, so very passionately. It’s basic.
Our daughter is too young to be learning about narcissism, but she lives with at least one, and I believe two(the other being her mom’s father. They all live together. He replaced me, which goes with the argument that women are just looking to marry their fathers.)
So it’s important for her to have an idea of what she’s dealing with. It took me around 50 years of my life to truly know what “Narcissism” means and just how evil and insidious they are. “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” is what I’m talking about, to be more specific.
People like to throw that word around like “racism” and “Nazi.” It’s used as a pejorative, and I’ve noticed as a basic substitute for “arrogant,” but the true meaning is ignored in exchange for hyperbole. It’s a trait of narcissists, in fact. It’s like ketchup to some people: it goes on everything. But it’s a reality, not a slur. You can identify someone as an alcoholic. That doesn’t mean they’re irredeemable, for example. And 99.9% of people mean “bigotry” when they say “racism.” Racism is the belief that one race is inherently superior to another.
But the TRUE meaning of someone with the disorder is eye-opening, and I’ll be surprised if you don’t know one, if you’re old enough. They’re exhausting and manipulative. They despise ANY scrutiny, in any way. They’ll call everything “disparaging.” It’s the same as if you call a murderer a “murderer” and then you’re decried as the offender for pointing out the death, and the murderer as the “victim.” It’s insane as you can see. Our daughter is the one facing death in that scenario.
Being scrutinized is what makes us stronger and better as people. It identifies opportunities for improvement. Narcissists resist that at any cost to others. So they’re in a cycle around themselves.
My father was one, which normalized it for me throughout my life. So when I eventually found a young lady who wanted more than anything to marry me, I saw no red flags. She fell on the floor begging for me, literally! Then walked out the door without a word, seven years after promising God she wouldn’t do exactly that. With our daughter and my step-daughter, both of whom I love. (I find it interesting that doesn’t make someone a court-certified “Liar.” But it’s overlooked as some sort of benign mistake in 2025. It’s where Christianity is today.)
I don’t want that to happen to our daughter, because it will RUIN her life. R.U.I.N. It will exhaust and twist her psychologically, and make her think she’s inadequate. She will doubt herself for no reason. She will avoid other people because she never learned how to socialize properly. Bottom line: she becomes wholly dysfunctional, as her maternal side has proven itself amply.
I’ve decided to make this a PART I of II. I have a few things to say about something associated, but not directly related to this. I want to take a deeper dive than this post merits.
Stay tuned!
