I had a wonderful visitation with Cecelia today, my allotted 1 hour. Which I have to pay for. There are 2 ways to look at that: A 1-hour ransom I have to pay each week(which has now become a matter of months, which is completely insane and displays an apathetic and non-empathetic family court/legal system), or an assessment. Or both, in fact. Both should, and in the case of one, is illegal. Unless a judge makes it legal and concrete where no one can change things, ever, at all, and no one is incentivized to change the horrible, damaging arrangement with me and my daughter, invoked by her mother with a typical load of crap and ramping things no matter how trivial up to 3,000%. At others’ total expense, always.

Everyone is incentivized to keep the status quo, in fact. The mother figured out a way to seize full custody and make me look bad at the same time. What could be better for her? And it’s costing me emotionally, financially, physically, and in every other way possible. What could be better for an ex-wife that has decided to make me an arch-enemy for absolutely no reason whatsoever?

And the place we visit is incentivized to keep things as-are. That’s how they put bread on their tables.

And the judge has made it clear the family and child are last on the agenda, or else we wouldn’t be in the exact same spot we were over 6 months ago. With no explanation, apology, interest, or willingness to return our lives to “normal,” which was already awful enough.

I’m going to ask the Children’s Safe Haven how they deal with this, and expect to be totally rebuked and shut down with the very idea of discussing family matters with my daughter that might harm their business. At my daughter’s and my expense, always.

My daughter is under the impression that:

  1. I’m a bad person.
  2. I  am able to speak with her mother.
  3. I am responsible, and therefore can change, this horrible arrangement that no one wants but her crazy mother.

All of these points are false, untrue, deceptively told to our daughter as being true, and I have no way to address this with her AT ALL. Intentionally deprived of speaking with my daughter about our family affairs in order to save the mother’s ego. Nothing more.

Her mother has the legal and financial leverage over me and is exploiting that fact to our daughter’s harm. It makes me sick but she has me trapped. I can’t teach and spend time with my daughter because it makes her mother feel inadequate, which she is. But I don’t care about her or that fact. I have a ton of things I can and want to teach our daughter, and places I want to take her, like places I where I grew up. She’s being forbidden from that, even. It’s Godless on her mother’s part. And no one cares but me. No one.

Because of her mother’s allegation, I now have a record. And it’s showing up on background searches when I apply for jobs. And I’m being turned down because of it. So getting a job is now impossible, even at low-paying menial jobs. Which makes it tough to pay bills, when I have no cash flow. So things are pretty bad right now, and I have no help. A good friend loaned me a few hundred bucks but I need a few thousand to get set up in another place and keep on trying to find some sort of job. Anything that doesn’t involve the threat of being shot, which I’ve worked before in Alabama, everyone seems to have forgotten about. I worked at TitleMax. And it got held up at gunpoint. I made $8.50/hr. And got up at 6:00am to drive over an hour to East B-ham from Tuscaloosa every day. In a suit and tie. I should have seen at that point in life it was a sign to get out of that relationship. But I’m no more a person who takes major cues when in love than I’m a morning person. These days I’m just a sleepless person. No sleep. All love, for my daughter.