To say I’ve had some challenges, and lost, for the past decade would be an understatement. A lot of it was documented on this site, until around 2022, when I began getting hammered from every side emotionally. It seemed everything was going wrong, despite me running at 100% to do what’s right and good. There is evil in this world, and it will find you. You don’t have to move to look for it.
Flash forward to now, and I’m looking around myself, at all the pieces. I have had Monopoly game after Monopoly game flipped off the table by somebody against me. My best friend did that once when we were little and I’ll never forget it. Sadly, he died a few years later from Reye’s Syndrome. And his father was a doctor. It was/is tragic.
And if you live long enough, and have a vertebrae, you will eventually have a person or two who doesn’t care for you, no matter what. Perhaps even some who just want you dead, as in my case.
But there’s been a major development in my ex-wife’s, and by proxy and the only one I care about, our daughter’s, lives. It seems things had to hit rock bottom before they get better, as with many circumstances in life. Especially for addicts and alcoholics. Make what you want of that.
But although I weep hourly for my sweet poor angel, the dysfunction she’s in calls for emergency action. So the dark clouds may be separating.
My point is that you should never give up, ever. If you really want something, never give up. Live for whatever it is you desire and make that a goal you are locked onto like an eagle on a fish. You will either achieve it or die trying. And to reunite my daughter with me is my desire. Not for my sake, mind you. For hers. She is Number One. I am Number Two.
Part II
Part Two of this post is that I just had a look around this site and I am embarrassed beyond belief. Yes, I’ve posted here and there over the past few months. But I still had sticky posts up from 3 years ago!
Something I can’t stand is run-down signage for a business. You know what I mean: missing letters, burned out bulbs, peeling paint, and just a crap appearance. That’s what I had here. And I’m mortified. It was down for a few years, but that is no excuse, to me.
I haven’t played around with WordPress like I used to. I dont do anything like I used to. Which is part of the issue. I’m living in my childhood home, and EVERYTHING here is breaking, broken, or about to break. My father never maintained it. Literally, never. For ~50 years.
So we have some relics around here. Things you never see in modern houses. The well pump in the garage, for example. There’s a solid mile of copper pipe in this joint. Still have the wood paneling form the 60’s of coure. Formica countertops? Yep.
But because we’re so close to water, the mildew around here is insane. So are the insects and frogs. Some cats have killed everything else. I did find a box turtle come walking up the driveway one day.
But constant pressure washing, which means constant painting. But that’s nothing. For every one thing I fix, it seems like two things break. I just replaced the lid lock on our GE washing machine, which went out of warranty in June (it’s August now), and we had a terrible storm the other day that blew out the transformer, out front. That’s happened twice since I’ve been here. Sparks shoot across the yard and road, and it’s very dramatic, complete with a window rattling *BOOM!*
And now the control board is fried. No, that’s not something people just know. It took a lot of diagnosing to find that problem, which I then discovered a blown fuse, soldered onto he board is blown. So that’s what I need to replace. So I will get a new one next Friday, which I have to resolder onto the board, and reassemble the machine. Just a day in the life. And I’m finding myself doing things like that non-stop. My whole life has become fixing half-assery from my father living here. Who has time for this? Nobody.
I also was making a lot of videos on YouTube for my daughter. One of my fears is something happens to me (I die) and she never learns the truth about her life and why things have come to be what they are for her, which is not where she belongs. At all. No one does, but especially such a sweet smart girl with so much potential.
So I made videos while I went walking, elucidating what has gone on and what is going on and at least an opportunity to see her daddy’s face and hear his voice. Her mother doesn’t allow contact with my family, but there are ways around her. Unfortunately she’s learned to be sneaky and lie. I remember when she first bragged to me that she knew something I didn’t. That was around the same time she cut off half her long hair. Not from the bottom up; one SIDE of her head, when she and a friend were playing with scissors. And her life has sped downhill from there.
Up until recently I was about to appeal a ridiculous order predicated on lies and resulting in generational damage for the sake of two women’s hubris. One at least who’s has been knocked down a few billion pegs. The problem is, she’s trying to take our daughter with her and hiding her form the world, so that no one knows the horrors she’s being exposed to in her custody, because it’s appalling. Until now. The jig is up. And I can’t remember being as hopeful.
Anyway, I made those videos private of course because her mom calls me sneezing “disparagement.” It’s her favorite word, except for “gaslighting.” That’s a new term to me that became popular with Obama’s presidency, coincidentally. I still don’t like it or use it.
Point is, that’s been my outlet for communication with the world. Typing out a post is time consuming, although arguably, if I plan to have a decent video considerate of the viewer, I would write at least a brief outline or script instead of ramble, which I do. Clearly.
So, I’ll sign off with that. Stay tuned, and never give up!
