What’s the difference between a mother, father, and parent?
Hopefully, anyone over the age of 2 knows the primary differences between a mother and father, and the expectations there, at least as far as the genetic qualifications are concerned. But those aren’t simply meaningless, or interchangeable words, those roles are much different than being “parents,” and that is something people seem to forget when both talking and writing about them. Sometimes it’s even intentional in some media, and popular media manipulates, via unethical marketing(I say that as a marketer) and constantly falsely portray images and make movies and TV shows, advertisements, YouTube videos, and video games…[to infinity] that aren’t accurate to real life. And before you hastily click away, this isn’t about the recent Rove v. Wade kerfuffle, which suspiciously flared up right before midterm elections, when the country is entirely aflame. In some places in the West, literally.
What prompted this post is my eternally-thinking brain being eternally focused on my daughter, Cecelia, who currently has been staying with her mother for an extended time at her demand. Or at least in her custody. For a very sad year for two people at least(me and Cecelia), now. And the differences that year has made on our daughter have been striking and not only worrisome but tragic, psychologically, mentally, and physically. I won’t even get into how destructive it’s been to her and my once-insanely-strong bond and relationship, which has been so sadly stressed out to the point it seems ruined. Totally. ruined. On purpose, which are both horrible and hurtful things. Or, the MOST, of many atrocious aspects of it all. Some people have dads that don’t want to be a dad and they let other men raise their daughters. I’ve filled the role as step-father as well, to great acclaim and applause from her real family, mind you. Including the rather ungrateful father, who rarely reared his head, as he was too busy creating more little humans to then leave again. And repeat. I’m not kidding. So being a father obviously doesn’t make a person any kind of remotely fit, much less accountable, parent, either.
And that made me think about how I was speaking to someone the other day and we agreed that just because a human has a womb doesn’t make them a fit mother. But that wasn’t true. That’s the VERY thing that makes you a fit mother if anything. And one of only two things I can think of and if you examine it.
But what we meant to be agreeing upon is that having a womb doesn’t make someone a fit PARENT. That has been made demonstrably true in 5 cases I can think of in my close personal life in the same little dysfunctional unit/blood family. Nurture is responsible for our conditioned behaviors in life, which some people happily, but errantly push over to the “Nature” column. And society (mainly other women) enables, promotes, and supports that activity. Doing otherwise damages their case. But it isn’t realistic. And when dealing with my own daughter, at least, I prefer to deal in reality for her sake, unless we’re playing Barbies and “dolls.”